I Write to Train My Heart

Six Years of Learning, Unlearning, and Loving the Me I'm Becoming

In 2020, two things entered my life that convinced me of something powerful: My thoughts matter. And I can change the areas of my life that don't feel good.

The areas where I felt stuck. Lost. Scared. The areas where I couldn't quite understand why I kept experiencing the same struggles.

The THINKING POEM that started entered my world as a young kid.

In fifth grade, I memorized a poem called Thinking, by Walter D. Wintle.

“If you think you are beaten, you are. If you think you dare not, you don't.”

That poem was in the background, and I brought it forward and to memory again in 2018.

I didn't fully understand it, but something about that poem spoke to me. I was reciting it with curiosity and a feeling that there was something important to discover.

I knew there was an answer somewhere in my THOUGHTS and thinking.

Then Came 2020

A friend said to me, “You are about THOUGHTS. You would love Dr. Caroline Leaf.”

I looked her up.

I discovered her Neurocycle app, and I was in awe.

Let's do this!

I began my first 21 days of Neurocycling. I didn't really know what I was doing. I didn't fully understand the process.

But I showed up.

Every. Single. Day.

And on day 21, something happened. I remember that moment well.

As I explored the thinking behind one area of my life, I wrote down these words:

“I don't feel worthy.”

WHAT?!

That was a thought I was thinking?

I had no idea!

Areas of my life where I struggled began to make sense.

Could this belief have been quietly influencing my choices, emotions, and experiences all along?

Oh no. Uh-uh!

Now that I was aware of it, I wanted to do something about it.

Let's go! Let's show up to this thinking work!

And I did.

Over the years, I have completed many Neurocycles, returning again and again to the practice of learning, noticing my thoughts, questioning beliefs, and intentionally developing new ways of thinking.

It is not instant. It is not easy.

I believe deeply in the value of this work.

And Then Came a Book

Another 2020 moment:

Activate Your Hidden Divine Power.

I remember reading it for the first time.

There it was AGAIN.

Thoughts matter.

And this book introduced me to something completely new and fascinating: The 10 Laws of the Mind.

I was captivated.

At the back of the book was a homework assignment: Become familiar with the 10 Laws of the Mind.

Of course I will.

I studied them. I wrote them down. I thought about them. I looked for examples of them in my everyday life.

And the more familiar I became with these ideas, the more excited I was to share them.

I began teaching the 10 Laws of the Mind to friends and people in my community.

My world was expanding.

Not necessarily because my circumstances had changed, but because I was learning to look at my circumstances differently.

I started creating my own way of taking notes.

With this new knowledge and understanding, I decided to take notes intentionally to train my heart.

I began to write to intentionally practice the thoughts I wanted to think.

I wanted what I was learning to show up in MY life.

I created a Facebook group where I could post my notes and share my journey. It gave me accountability to keep showing up for the work I was doing.

I used markers because color brought me joy.

I began drawing hearts because I could feel the love, hope, and belief behind the thoughts I was writing.

I wanted them to feel like wonder.

The colors. The hearts. The words. The questions.

They all became part of how I engaged with what I was learning.

My writing began to flow from the books I read, the courses I took, the experiences I had, and the questions I was asking about my own life.

I wasn't simply collecting information anymore.

I was practicing the person I wanted to be.

Six Years Later

I am here.

I learn. I write. I think with intention.

I discover thoughts and beliefs I carry that don't serve me. I celebrate the thoughts and beliefs that DO serve the me I like.

Six years later, I'm showing up to share this way of taking notes with others.

I know what it feels like to be stuck.

I know what it feels like to be scared.

I know what it feels like to wonder why certain areas of life just don't feel good.

I also know the excitement of discovering that I can question my thinking, practice new perspectives, and make different choices.

Has it all changed overnight?

Nope.

Patience.

Life happens. Old habits show up. Emotions come and go. Some days I practice what I've learned beautifully. Other days, nope.

The work I do on paper is beginning to show up in my everyday actions.

In the boundaries I set.

In the way I respond to difficult situations.

In the way I care for my body.

In the way I approach money.

In the way I love myself.

In the way I choose to show up for my life.

And THAT feels worth it.

I have a say in the ME I am becoming.

My thoughts matter.

Thank you, life. I am still learning ME. ❤️