Worthy To Receive Good

I've been sitting with a curiosity lately: my capacity to receive good.

It surfaced after a recent inward spiral — insecurity, the inability to forgive myself quickly for a mistake, the self-talk that wouldn't shut off and kept looping me back into my human, messy self. Judgmental. Critical. Unkind. To myself. Ugh. This happens even as I'm in "the work." I read the books. I listen to the podcasts. I run. You get the idea.

Once that spiral released, I got curious about myself again. That curiosity became a wondering: Am I wired to suffer more than I'm wired to feel good? My mind knows I can rewire my neural networks for a different experience — I show up to a neurocycle app consistently — so I decided to bring this question into that work. I started with: worthy to receive good. Do I feel like I deserve to feel good, and to have good?

I'm currently on Day 22 of 63, rewiring a thought that has hundreds or thousands of emotions and stories attached.

Lately my mind has also been cued to listen for growth in the area of receiving. So when a podcast mentioned paying attention to how I receive compliments — can I do it graciously? — I was ready.

I had a chance to practice today. A friend I deeply respect offered me a compliment about a way of being that carries gratitude. I saw the moment for what it was: an opportunity to receive. So I did. And in receiving it, something else came through — a belief I'm growing into: I matter in the world. My presence matters. I belong. I am seen. Thank you.

Gratitude for a friend sharing a genuine compliment. Gratitude that I persist in "the work," even when it feels messy. Gratitude for the people who make podcasts where I can keep learning and staying curious. Gratitude galore for this life, unfolding in its mysterious ways.