Thank you, LIFE. I asked for this.

This past week, I went for an easy run without my phone. No music. No podcast. Just silence and my thoughts.

I love being present with myself like this. So often while I run, entire blog posts—or chapters of the book I will write—form in my mind. Then I get home, the endorphin high fades, daily life takes over, and the words never make it onto paper.

I'm curious about getting better at capturing those thoughts.

Here is one from Thursday's run.

I Asked for Change

Three years ago, I made a major change in my teaching career.

For 22 years, I taught high school Spanish.

When I was younger, I loved learning HOW to teach the language. I had a high level of Spanish fluency through studying abroad in Ecuador and through relationships and experiences that gave me opportunities to speak it regularly.

I loved sharing language, music, stories, and culture with students.

Life changed.

My opportunities for immersion decreased, and over the years my Spanish fluency declined. At the same time, a belief inside me became louder:

A high school Spanish teacher should have a higher level of fluency than I currently have.

I couldn't shake it.

And eventually, I couldn't generate the passion for the role that I once had.

I was ready for change.

I earned my certification to teach English Language Development and submitted a transfer request.

Immediately, a middle school ELD position opened.

My response?

Let's do this.

I was ready for change.

I just had no idea what that change was going to ask of me.

The Change I Asked For Was Uncomfortable

Moving from 22 years of high school teaching into middle school was a shock to my whole being.

Different classes. Different energy. Different classroom-management needs. A multilingual program leadership role. So much to learn.

I was overwhelmed.

Something interesting happened.

Feelings that had quietly existed in different areas of my life suddenly became LOUD.

Insecurity.
Not enough.
Overwhelm.
Self-doubt.

I couldn't ignore them anymore.

I knew with every cell in my being this was a GIFT. I love personal development. I especially love learning about feelings, emotions and thoughts and how they impact us.

Life was giving me an opportunity for the application of my knowledge.

I stayed.

I observed.

I tried.

I expressed what I was experiencing instead of suppressing it.

And most importantly, I asked for help.

That was growth.

Young-teacher Monica needed help too, but she didn't yet have the skills to advocate for herself.

Seasoned-teacher Monica did.

Then Life Sent Teachers to the Teacher

During my second year, someone came into my professional life who understood multilingual learners and the program and was deeply aligned with excellence.

She saw me.

She saw the program.

She offered support, compassion, accountability, and an important reminder whenever I drifted toward excuses:

Take responsibility for what is mine.

By January of that year, middle school still felt chaotic enough that I submitted another transfer request.

Nothing opened.

And by June, something in me had changed.

My body was handling middle school differently.

I was becoming more capable of being in the environment that had once overwhelmed me.

Now I'm in year three.

And life has given me another teacher.

This year, part of my role is supporting multilingual students inside another teacher's classroom. And the teacher I get to come alongside is exactly the kind of educator I needed to see.

Once again, life put excellence directly in front of me.

Thank you, life, for opportunities.

I keep saying I desire growth.

I desire greater alignment.

I desire excellence.

I want to become more of who I am capable of being.

Life doesn't answer those requests by making everything easier.

Life gives me experiences that reveal what still needs to grow.

It gives me discomfort.

It gives me people to learn from.

It brings beliefs to the surface so I can examine them.

It gives me opportunities to practice rather than just understand the theory.

One belief in particular has been challenged through this experience:

I bring value.

I am enough today AND I can continue learning.

Those two truths can exist together.

I don't have to know everything to bring value.

I don't have to stop growing to believe I am enough.

And I don't have to interpret discomfort as evidence that I'm in the wrong place.

Discomfort is showing me exactly where the growth is.

Three years ago, I asked for change.

I got it.

And along with it came overwhelm, insecurity, support, teachers, lessons, new skills, greater self-awareness, and another version of me.

Life keeps giving me opportunities to become what I'm asking to become.

Thank you, life.

Keep teaching me.

I'll keep showing up.